TNA SACRIFICE 2011
MAY 15 2011
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
REPORT BY JESSE DAVIS, PARTS UNKNOWN PRESS
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
We open the show with a Sting and RVD video package and PYRO PEW PEW PEW~!
Mexican America (Hernandez & Anarquia) Vs Ink Inc (Jesse Neal & Shannon Moore)
I totally want two tattooed douchebags to defend America, anyways that was a nothing match, Mexican America won, enough said.
WINNERS: Mexican America (9:37)
Out comes Jeff and Karen, and Karen is out here on crutches! Oh boy Jeff is saying that Karen sprained her ankle by slipping on an action figure that her kid had! There will be no match, wow! Out comes Mick Foley! He said some shit about Karen not being an African American, then Mick finds a way to slide in that WRESTLING MATTERS~! Christ. Karen didn’t have gear until Mick got some made! Karen is mad! The match is still on!
Brian Kendrick cuts a promo backstage talking about how the X-Division has been discriminated against.
Brian Kendrick Vs Robbie E (w/Cookie)
This was a decent match, Kendrick did some character work here during the match because his whole thing is that he’s weird and he wants to be friends with everyone and he’s a poet too I guess. Cookie was being all scared at Kendrick when Kendrick tells her that God has a plan for her, then later on in the match, Kendrick beat Robbie E with a dropkick. Kendrick wanted to shake hands with Robbie E, but then they got all scared and called him a weirdo.
WINNER: Brian Kendrick (6:44)
TNA Knockouts Championship: Mickie James (c) Vs Madison Rayne
The stake to this match is if Mickie wins, Tara is free from Madison. Madison banned her from ringside, but she came out here anyway! Mickie attacked Madison while she was yelling at Tara, Mickie stared at Tara and then Madison tripped Mickie into the steps and brings her in the ring. Madison yells at Tara to do something, Tara just stands there. Madison goes under the ring to get a biker glove, she puts it on but then Tara takes it off her. Mickie tries to go for the finish, but Madison gets a rollup with a 2 count instead. Now we get a ref bump, joy! Tara threatens to hit Mickie with the glove, but Madison gets hit with it instead after yelling in Tara’s ear! Mickie pins Madison after that and wins. Tara is free from Madison, Mickie retains. Decent stuff here.
WINNER: Mickie James (6:50)
JB interviews Fortune. Kazarian talks trash… Max Buck “if that is his real name”. AJ says hanging out with Bully Ray is like him hanging out with Ric Flair, a bad idea. Beer Money talk about facing Hardy and Harris, “Knock Knock” Roode with the Braden Walker reference, I love this. The sound was fucking up a bit during Roode talking here. “I’m not here to tell jokes and I’m not here to sell DVDs” Storm with the best burial I’ve heard in a long time. That’s pretty much all of what happened with this interview, I loved it.
TNA X Division Championship: Kazarian (c) Vs Max Buck
I feel like I’m watching another company right now. Kazarian with some generic tights here, just black tights with three logos. Max getting some Elite heel heat here, the Elite hunter not looking so good right here. Nice Middle Rope Gutwrench Suplex by Kazarian here. Some cool little sequences in this, Kaz went for his finish, Max reversed, Kaz kicked him and hit a sweet Swinging Neckbreaker. Max Buck with a Turnbuckle Powerbomb on Kaz, good shit so far. 450 by Max and Kazarian kicks out! Kaz did a sick Powerbomb to the outside, Max kicked out, Kaz tried to go for the Fade to Black, Max reversed and then got hit by a Shining Wizard and lost, crowd chanted “This Is Wrestling” during this, this was indeed the match of the night so far.
WINNER: Still TNA X Division Champion, Kazarian (11:22)
Abyss Vs Crimson
This is a match that I have zero care for at all, Kane 09 Vs Christian with steroids that has an undefeated streak like Goldberg. They spent the start of the match brawling on the outside, they finally got into the ring and I still don’t give a fuck, the crowd doesn’t either. Abyss goes out of the ring and grabs JANICE, he threatens to hit the ref and the ref just scarily falls out of the ring. This actually isn’t that bad of a match, I’ve seen worse from this year so far. Crimson wins with the Sky High, Crimson wins, and is still undefeated, that was fine in the end.
WINNER: Crimson (10:40)
TNA Tag Team Championship: Beer Money (James Storm & Bobby Roode) Vs Matt Hardy & Chris Harris
They spent the entire build of this feud teasing Jeff Hardy two months after he showed up against Sting, and they gave us Chris Harris instead, probably cause there was no way Jeff was coming back this fucking early. Chris Harris decided to grow him a shit beard for this match. NOT EVEN TEN SECONDS INTO THE MATCH THE KNOCK KNOCK WHO’S THERE? BRADEN WALKER CHANTS HAVE ALREADY STARTED LMAO. Nothing important has happened in this match besides Chris Harris looking awful. This has been very boring all the way through, nothing important has happened. James Storm is shoot punching a downed Chris Harris, this match sucks, Storm and Roode hit the old AMW finish on Harris, it’s over, thank god, that was boring as hell.
WINNERS: Still TNA Tag Team Champions, Beer Money (13:51)
AJ Styles Vs Tommy Dreamer
Heel Tommy Dreamer, this has not been explained as to why Dreamer is heel, I think it might be because Dreamer is poor and has to rely on Bully Ray now, but I don’t know because they never bothered to tell me the real reason. AJ was beating down Dreamer, and it’s No DQ and Dreamer was being a bitch heel and wanting AJ to get off of him. AJ and Dreamer brawl on the outside and AJ pours some fan’s Sprite bottle over Dreamer’s hair. AJ had Dreamer inbetween the guard rail, and he hit the phenomenal forearm on Dreamer! The crowd is chanting WE WANT FIRE, guys, this is TNA, not CZW. The crowd was chanting “This is Awesome” for this match, it’s been fine but I wouldn’t say it’s been awesome. AJ sets up for the Styles Clash and Bully Ray very badly hits AJ with a chain, it didn’t even look like it hit, Daniels chased Bully away, Dreamer hits AJ with a Piledriver through a table and wins, good match but that finish sucked, christ, Bully Ray from 2011, learn how to hit people with a chain.
WINNER: Tommy Dreamer (13:05)
Kurt Angle & Chyna Vs Jeff Jarrett & Karen Jarrett
Finally, time for the second most built feud currently, the mixed tag match between Angle and Chyna and The Jarretts, Chyna looks good here. Angle and Jarrett start the match first, Angle tags in Chyna, Karen has to get in the ring but she doesn’t want to! This is good stuff here. Karen almost gets in until Jarrett gets back in the ring and attacks Kurt, since Jarrett never tagged in Karen, we’re back to Jarrett and Angle. Jarrett has the best heel mannerisms ever, more people need to be like Jarrett. Big “We Want Chyna” chants here. Angle hit the Angle Slam, Jeff kicks out, wants to tag Karen but Karen runs away, Jeff kicks Kurt in the balls, finally, Kurt tags in Chyna, she slams Jarrett! Chyna chases Karen around the ring, Karen bumps into Kurt, Chyna finally gets her hands on Karen! This has been fun. Chyna hits The Pedigree in which Tenay calls it “that DDT style move”, Chyna puts on the Ankle Lock onto Karen and it’s over! That was good, I enjoyed that all the way.
WINNERS: Kurt Angle and Chyna (10:27)
TNA World Heavyweight Championship: RVD Vs Sting (c)
We got Mr. Anderson on commentary for this, he won a battle royal on Impact last week and he’s next in line for a shot. The production guys care more about showing us Mr. Anderson on commentary in a Packers jersey than they do this match. God, we can’t go more than two minutes without seeing Mr. Anderson on commentary, this match is being overshadowed by this. Van Dam has got most of the offense in though. Van Dam got Sting in the corner, he ran at him, Sting got out of the way and Van Dam flew straight to the outside. Van Dam went for the guard rail kick and Sting got out of the way here as well! Sting not letting RVD get any of his cool shit in. Sting and Van Dam have been fighting in the crowd for the past couple of minutes, I believe this isn’t No DQ either so the referee just does not care. Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop and Van Dam falls way too early, so Sting does it again, and it goes well this time, and Sting gets the win, that wasn’t that good, it was overshadowed by Mr. Anderson on commentary and it doesn’t seem that either Sting or RVD cared to fight. RVD and Sting show respect and hug either at the end of the match. Anderson in a Green Bay Packers jersey comes down to the ring to stare Sting down to end Sacrifice.
WINNER: Still TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Sting (12:43)
Well, I finally got around to watching Sacrifice after putting it off for a while, and you know, it was probably the best show of the year so far, it had it’s bad, but it had some good parts, MOTN was Jeff and Karen Vs Angle and Chyna, second best if Kaz Vs Max Buck, worst match is whatever the fuck that Ink Inc and Mexican America match was, and second worst being Beer Money Vs Hardy and Harris. That was Sacrifice, can’t wait until the next Impact!