MAY 19 2011 (TAPED MAY 16.)
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
REPORT BY JESSE DAVIS, PARTS UNKNOWN PRESS
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
We get a small video package recapping Angle and Chyna Vs The Jarretts and Sting Vs RVD with Mr. Anderson, that’s it there.
We have a new intro! The IMPACT Wrestling Era has begun! Blue is in style!
We may have a new era, but it doesn’t look like the booking is changing, because we’re starting out with, you guessed it! An Immortal promo! Lovely! Never seen that before! Bischoff is downplaying the fact that Foley is really behind this, says Foley doesn’t care about wrestling mattering, but he does! Bischoff says that Hogan and Foley are up in New York dealing with contracts with the Network, so Bischoff, Flair and Immortal are in charge. Bischoff says that everyone who gets in their way is going to pay the price, and here comes Brian Kendrick, Amazing Red and Generation Me out here!
Kendrick is pissed that Bischoff, a non wrestler is sick of wrestlers getting in their way on a wrestling show. Brian’s got a point. Bischoff gets out of the ring and wants to handle this like professionals. Bischoff says he’s gonna make history tonight, and he’s going to singlehandedly wipe out the X-Division. So much for a new era. Bischoff is going to start off by booking Kazarian against Abyss for the X-Division title, great. Bischoff calls Amazing Red, “Mildly Moderate Red” and books him against Samoa Joe. What a burial! Bischoff then books Generation Me against Matt Hardy and Eric Bischoff himself, good lord why, Bischoff says he’s going to kick some vanilla midget ass. Good god this is bad.
Kendrick wants to know what Bischoff has for him, Bischoff said he forgot he was there, and he’ll give him something, so Bischoff slaps him, then Immortal brawl with the X-Division, then Fortune make the save and now we have an even bigger brawl! The Flair goes bezerk after they were calm for a split second and now we get more brawling! Gen Me fly out at Gunner and Hardy, then we get more brawling between everyone! It never ends! The brawling finally ends, Fortune and what’s left of the X-Division stand tall in the ring, then, Flair says he needs to talk to Roode and he better come out when Flair calls him out. God that was a long angle.
Rosita & Sarita & Madison Rayne Vs Miss Tessmacher & Tara & Mickie James
We get a short recap of Tara turning and costing Madison the match against Mickie at Sacrifice, and before the match starts, Hernandez and Anarquia join the commentary team for this match. That was fine, Tara gets the win for her team with Madison leaves Rosita and Sarita high and dry.
WINNERS: Tara, Mickie James and Miss Tessmacher (4:00)
We get a backstage look at the tights leg of 1990’s Surfer Sting?!?”!?
TNA X Division Championship: Kazarian (c) Vs Abyss
The commentators sell this match as possibly being the last X-Division Title match ever, before Abyss leaves Gorilla, Bischoff tells him he wants Kazarian destroyed, and wants Abyss to remember “what would Sun Tzu do?” Christ what kind of fucking character is Abyss getting here. Kazarian gets some offense to start, but Abyss knocked him down and now he’s got the offense in. Kazarian with a top rope dropkick taking Abyss down! Kazarian with some big babyface fire here trying to keep his title. Abyss not doing a good job of squashing Kazarian right now I’ll tell you. Abyss was favoring his knee, Jackson James was holding Kazarian back, Kazarian charged at Abyss, Abyss faked his knee injury! He kicked him, hit the Black Hole Slam and got the pin, new champion, Abyss, the X-Division is dying quickly. Abyss holds the title and he quotes Sun Tzu about the art of war and outsmarting your opponent, whatever.
WINNER: NEW X-Division Champion, Abyss (5:00)
We cut to Gunner tracking down Eric Young, who stole his TV Title last week.
Samoa Joe Vs Amazing Red
Red charges at Joe immediately but gets slammed like hell, Joe kicks his ass all the way through, and it’s over, Red’s done, buried, goodbye. Joe keeps punching Red after the match until, Crimson makes the save and brawls with Joe. Crimson suplexes Joe out of the ring and Joe walks away, Crimson checks on his brother.
WINNER: Samoa Joe (0:50)
AJ Styles is out here in a neck brace, he calls out Dreamer, Dreamer is out here, AJ tells Dreamer he is gonna be out for a few weeks, AJ tells Dreamer they killed themselves on Sunday because if it wasn’t for Bully, Hulk and Immortal and Dreamer listening to whatever they told him, his contract would be up, so they finally explain why Dreamer did what he did! Dreamer basically says AJ is saying he’s better than him, Dreamer says he built a company and didn’t have his hand held the whole time, okay.
Dreamer says he was forced to piledrive him the first time, but NOW, HE DOES WHAT HE WANTS~! AND HE PUNCHES AJ AND KICKS HIM WHILE HE’S DOWN~! Daniels finally makes the save. Daniels starts punching at Dreamer, Bully Ray comes from behind and hits an injured AJ Styles again, Daniels sees it, Dreamer kicks him in the balls, HEELS STAND TALL! Crowd chants “You Sold Out” at Dreamer and Dreamer hits another piledriver on AJ while screaming that he didn’t sell out, the fans did.
We cut to yet another backstage angle of Surfer Sting attire, what could it be??!?!
Kurt Angle comes out here, he’s finally got rid of Karen and he can focus on Jarrett now! “Ding Dong The Bitch is dead”-Kurt Angle. Kurt praises Chyna for taking out Karen at Sacrifice, but now Angle is ready to get Jarrett all by himself, and the winner of the match at Slammiversary, will be the next number one contender for the World Title, it’s real, it’s damn real. Jarrett comes out now, Jarrett says it’s bullshit that Angle gets a singles match against, says Angle has never beaten him, and Jarrett is better than Angle.
Jarrett says if he wants the match, he’ll get it, if Angle accepts this stipulation, if Jarrett wins, he gets Kurt’s olympic gold medals, Angle accepts it and they shake hands, Slammiversary, Title Shot Vs Gold Medal, oh joy, Karen is still here, in a wheelchair, so she isn’t gone after all. she says Jarrett won’t be alone, then Velvet comes from behind and gives Karen a wheelchair ride! That was a good angle.
We got a backstage angle with Gen Me, they say they will put their beef aside and do this for the X-Division, Bischoff is on the phone with Hogan, seems everything went well with Hogan’s meeting! Jeff and Karen are backstage and Jarrett got a handicap match made, Velvet Vs Angelina and Winter, I feel like this already happened, whatever.
Generation Me (Max Buck & Jeremy Buck) Vs Eric Bischoff & Matt Hardy
Matt started the match off beating down Jeremy, after a while Gen Me got the advantage against Hardy, Gen Me are kicking Matt’s ass, when does this take a turn. Matt finally beating down Max Buck, joy. Gen Me have got more offense here than I would have expected. Tenay announces during this match that next week, Hogan and Foley return, well Hogan does. Jeremy misses the 450, tags in Max, Max gets locked in the Ice Pick and passes out, Hardy tags in Bischoff, Bischoff hits two karate kicks, and pins Max Buck, buried, goodbye, see you later, wrestling matters, everyone, totally.
WINNERS: Matt Hardy and Eric Bischoff (6:10)
We cut to Angelina hypnotized and Winter says they will be done with Velvet and back to the way things were, and she kissed Angelina. Impact ran another promo of a fan saying that wrestling is in their veins and it matters.
Angelina Love and Winter Vs Velvet Sky
Taz was upset the pigeons weren’t let loose when Velvet made her entrance, Velvet is attacking Angelina but Angelina is no selling everything. Velvet got her ass kicked the whole match just to roll Angelina up and get the win, and ODB attacks Velvet, fucking wonderful! ODB just beat up Velvet and screams that Velvet’s a whore, that sucked.
WINNER: Velvet Sky (4:35)
We cut backstage to a photoshoot angle with Eric Young and Miss Tessmacher, EY is wearing a I Heart Tag Teaming shirt. EY is posing, Brooke is disgusted, and here’s fucking Gunner, he attacks EY because this isn’t about respect!
Ric Flair is out here, and he calls out Roode, Roode comes out, Flair says he hasn’t been able to sleep ever since Roode tapped him out at Lockdown, oh lord is this going to be a match next week. Roode says when Flair came to TNA, Roode was one of the people he mentored, and Lockdown, it was a war, and Flair taught Roode to see an opportunity and take it, and that’s what Roode did. Flair says if it went the other way around, he would have put Roode out of wrestling forever.
Roode says to forget about Lockdown, it was business, it’s Roode’s time now, and not Ric’s, Ric says they’ve been telling him that for 25 years, and they’re probably telling him that now, since WWE released Ric Flair. Flair wants Roode to break his arm again, but Roode won’t do it, Flair slaps him and chokes him, Roode puts on the armbar! He almost break Flair’s arm until Immortal save Flair, great, I never saw this before. Immortal beat down Roode, the rest of Fortune are taken out, Bully chains Roode, Abyss brings in two chairs and they break Roode’s arm.
Finally, what we have all been waiting for, Sting is out here, he loves this place! Sting praises RVD for the effort last night, says he hasn’t lost his focus of getting the power away from Hogan and Bischoff, and Sting’s music hits, and it’s Ken Anderson Sting from behind! He hits Sting with a bat, and hits the Scorpion Death Drop on Sting! Ken Anderson Sting is the best Fake Sting EVER~!
Man, this was actually one of the best shows in a while….if you completely hate the X-Division that is, because god, burying the X-Division is so sad to see considering for years that’s what people came to see, but nope, bury them all! Anyways, besides that there was some good stuff on the show, heels win lol continues with Immortal, Mr. Anderson Sting is the best Sting impersonation next to Jeff Jarrett in 2000, until next time!